Custard... Ew. (Late because I hate custard.)

I had a mother/daughter bonding day and we made custard.

Mmmm. Custard.

And by "Mmmm," I mean "OH GOD WHY??"

No, honestly, it's a good custard recipe, except for two things: Uno, I kind of sort of maybe burned the caramel. A lot. Dos, it turns out that I really dislike custard. Live and learn? Meh.

Well, if YOU happen to like custard, here's the recipe:

Use custard cups OR a glass pan-bowl-thing (mine is still at Jess' & McK's house from the smores bars).

For Custard with Caramel:
1/2 cup sugar for the caramel
2 egg yolks
3 eggs
3 cups "very hot" milk
Another 1/2 cup sugar for the custard
1/8 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
Nutmeg

STEP OOOOONE:
Make the caramel coating. Pour the 1/2 cup sugar into a heavy-bottomed skillet.


Turn the heat UUUUUUP (I had it on 5). Don't stir, but shake the skillet around so the sugar moves.


When it turns into caramel-looking goo...


...take it off (quick) and pour it into your custard-holding medium of choice. Swirl that shit around the bottom & sides quickly, or else it hardens.


DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE THAT I MADE AND COOK IT TOO LONG. ALSO NOTE THAT IT CONTINUES TO COOK IN THE SKILLET AFTER YOU REMOVE IT FROM THE BURNER SO MAKE HASTE. Unless, of course, you are partial to the taste of ass.


If it looks like this, START OVER.

STEP TWOOOOO:
Preheat the oven to 325. Or don't. See if I care. Then take the milk and make it hot. (We nuked it for 5 minutes, checking it every two minutes.)


STEP THREEEE:
While the milk is nuking, put all the eggs in a big bowl & beat them like they owe you money.




Add the other 1/2 cup sugar and mix that in too.


(Side note: THIS CONSISTENCY IS WEEEEEEIRD.)

STEP FOOOUR:
Slowly pour in the hot milk, stirring the whole time.

Pour too fast, BAM! Cooked eggs.

This part is good to have a helper for because srsly? Pouring hot milk from big bowl into other bowl + stirring = much spillage without help. Also, taking a picture of this was rough.

/end whining.



STEP FIIIIVE:
Add vanilla & mix.



STEP SIIIIIX:
Strain into your bowls/pan/whatever.


Sprinkle nutmeg on top.

STEP SEVENNN:
Fill up a pan with 1" hot water, put that in the oven.

Why?

Because I said so.

Now put your custard cups/pan/etc in the pan & close the oven.


Bake for 45 min & check if it's done. (It isn't.) Continue baking until it IS done. You know it's done when you insert a knife in the middle & it comes out clean.

STEP EIIIIGHT:
Refrigerate. Eat. Puke. Or give to someone who DOES like custard.


Ain't they cute?


Yyyyyyyyyyyyyeah, no.

<3,
TWC

Blueberry Muffin Madness!

Hallo intar-wubs!

I feel better. My last post was written in a cranky, sleep-deprived delirium. Yes, I realize I posted it at like 3:30, stfu.

Since that time, I have had some lunch (and some cheesecake and some muffins) and I feel better now. Also, I went shopping for baking paraphernalia YAY.

Okay, so as you know last week I was called out by McK and he ordered me to bake him some blueberry muffins. I, being the enter-pe-noor that I am, charged him $10. For 20 muffins. I am such a sucker.

BLUEBERRY MUFFIN MADNESS:
(recipe from allrecipes.com)

You will need:
4 cupps flour
4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup softened butter or margarine
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 cup milk
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups frozen blueberries, unthawed

(OPTIONAL) FOR LE MUFFIN TOPPING:
2 tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

HOW TO MAKE MUFFINS OF WONDER AND DELIGHT*:

0. Preheat oven to 375 F.

1. Take flour, baking powder & salt, dump in bowl.


2. In a separate bowl, cream butter & sugar.

(My butter was frozen, so I cut it up into strips for easy creaming.)

Er... we may be having some technical difficulties here. See, I'm at Felder's folks' house today and there is a suspicious lack of butter/sugar creaming implement. Whatever it's called. Maybe a fork will work?

No.
How about a knife?

Nuh-uh.
Meat tenderizer?

Nyet.
Okay, time for drastic measures. Take off the rings, re-wash the hands... and knead.

Yep. Of course it worked.

3. Add eggs, milk & vanilla, mix well.




(Humor me and pretend that this is well mixed, okay? Thanks.)

4. Stir into dry ingredients until you have batter. Recipe says "until just moistened" but I kept thinking "oh good, I'm done" and then flipping over the dough and discovering a rich vein of pure flour right in the middle of my nice dough. So just use your judgment on this, I guess.)



Please try not to throw stones at me, the lighting is really awful in these.

5. Fold in frozen blueberries. Whatever that means. FYI - in case you haven't picked up on it by now, I don't know what I'm doing. If it looks right, then you probably did it right.


Perfect.

6. Put the batter in the paper cups (or I suppose directly in the baking pans if you like) (thought - it would be interesting to make muffins on a cookie tray. Like muffin bites. Mmm.)


7. Mix the topping together in a bowl and sprinkle over the muffins. Stick the muffins in the oven & cook for 20-25 min. Why? Cause I said. What? You wanna make something of it? PUNK?


Okay, you really can't see the topping on the muffinlets, but I swear it's there.



8. Devour, because OMG THESE ARE AMAZING MUFFINS. I gave a muffin to my FMFIL** & FFIL*** and they both had mouth-gasms. ^_____^


I made 23 muffins. OMG.

Side note: My FMFIL has a spectacularly clean and well-stocked kitchen and also these bowls. Are these not the most adorable mixing bowls you have ever seen???


It's a cow bowl. And the little stabilizing feet make it look like an udder. OMG. SO. CUTE.

Side side note: I took me way too long to write this because of YouTube. And music videos. And this song.

Side side side note: Maybe cheesecake next week? Y/N?

Side side side side note: The best part of baking is giving the product to someone else and seeing their reaction. This is sometimes the worst part of baking, too.

Side side side side side note: The Brother got a haircut. It's extreme and also intense. Not baking-related, but I'll post a pic soon.

*Also of blueberries. And possibly the devil because I cannot stop eating them.
**Future Felder In Law
***Future MomFelder In Law


<3,
TWC

Blueberry Ernties* And Please Let Me Go Back To Sleep

*An erntie (pronounced URN-tee) is a pancake. It's the shortened form of Panacake Ernstern, which is obvs the technical pro chef term for pancakes. You philistine.

*Ahem*

Hi. I have a Taylor Swift song stuck in my head. Also, I was rudely awakened and dragged out of bed, kicking and screaming**, by Felder. Why? So I could be chained to the stove and forced to slave and slave*** and cook breakfast for him before he goes to work.

I made blueberry ernties & bacon.

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD ERNTIE (BLUEBERRY OR OTHERWISE):

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp sugar
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup yogurt (plain) (duh) (I guess flavored yogurt would be interesting.) (But interesting in the way where someone made you something and they're all proud and they watch you eat it and you immediately want to puke but you swallow and OH MY GOD IT'S TRYING TO COME BACK UP and they go "how did you like it?" all hopefully and you grin the grin of a corpse and go "It's... interesting." And then you run.) (Okay, back to ingredients.)
1 egg
3 tbsp butter
1 cup milk

Okay, so... what am I doing again?

Panacakes. Right. (Attention span is shot. Too much awake, not enough asleep.)

STEP ONE: Take the flour, salt, sugar, baking soda and yogurt and sift them together in a big bowl. Except, don't sift the yogurt because ew. That would turn out pretty gross.


I did not sift because I am a lazy barsted. (If you do not know what a barsted is, say it out loud a few times.)


(Please excuse my lighting inconsistencies. I kept having to reset the flash.)

STEP TWO: Take the egg and beat it slightly. Please do not ask me the difference between a slightly beaten egg and a severely beaten egg, I am not your egg abuse hotline. Melt the butter and combine it with the egg and the milk.


STEP THREE: Mix the wet stuff with the (relatively) dry stuff. It will be lumpy lumpy lumpy. This is okay.

Yes those are chocolate chips and no you may not have them.




STEP FOUR: Cook in pan until not raw anymore, duh. If you want blueberries, add them now. Also works with chocolate chips and theoretically any other item.

Ka-flip!

Ka-flip!


STEP FIVE: Add bacon and devour.



I think Felder likes it.

STEP SIX: Profit****.

**This is a lie. I woke up of my own accord at (shudder) 7 a.m.
***Also a lie.
****Probably a lie.

<3,
TWC
P.S. Muffins coming up next!