15 August, 2010

Cheesecake Bites (assuming you take REALLY big bites)

Okay, not really bites. Cupcakes that don't puff up? Cookie-like cheesecakes? Something like that.

Also, I forgot to take pictures. :(

Here's the original recipe:

  • FOR THE CRUST:
  • 2 cups Graham Cracker Crumbs
  • 1 stick Butter, Melted
  • 3 Tablespoons White Sugar
  • _____
  • FOR THE FILLING:
  • 4 packages Full-fat Cream Cheese, Softened At Room Temperature (8 Ounce Packages)
  • 3 Tablespoons All-purpose Flour
  • 1-½ cup White Sugar
  • 1 whole Lemon, Zested (optional)
  • 4 whole Large Eggs
  • ½ cups Milk
  • 8 ounces, weight Full-fat Sour Cream
  • ½ Tablespoons Vanilla Extract
This recipe claims to serve 18, but I made 18 cupcake-things AND a small cheesecake (broke in my *new* Springform pan HUZZAH) easy. So maybe it serves 18 fat people. Or maybe you should tweak the recipe yourself because I kind of messed it up beyond belief, anyway.

OKAY SO HERE'S HOW YOU DO IT:
(with notes on how I did it in orange.)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease the sides and bottom of a 9″ Springform pan well with shortening. Don't bother preheating until you're done with the crust, don't bother greasing a Springform pan but DO get out some cupcake trays and stick the holders in. Then, later, realize you have A HUGE AMOUNT OF CAKE OMG and hurriedly grease a 6" Springform pan because SURPRISE that's all ya got.

For the crust:
In a medium bowl, mix the graham cracker crumbs with the melted butter and sugar. Press the mixture into the bottom and up the sides of your prepared pan. Now put your pan, uncovered, into the freezer while you’re making the filling. Crush the graham crackers in a baggie with a rolling pan. Spill crumbs everywhere. Curse like a sailor. Repeat. Microwave a stick of butter. Accidentally spill boiling butter all over your potholders and the table. Curse like a sailor. Repeat.

For the filling:
In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, cream the cheese until it’s nice and smooth. You don’t want to have any lumps. Completely ignore the instructions about "room-temperature" cream cheese. Curse at the mixer when the 32 oz of cream cheese all stick to the mixer at once. Turn the mixer off, scrape it down and shudder because EW cream cheese is GROSS.

It’s best to whisk your flour and sugar together first, to prevent any lumps when they’re added to the cream cheese. I totally didn't. Pour them into the cream cheese and mix. Make sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl, add lemon zest, I didn't do this, either. and continue to mix. Make sure you don't mix up the measurements on the flour & sugar and accidentally put in 1 1/2 cups of flour and 3 tbsp of sugar because that would be BAD. Right, kids?? RIGHT. *ahem hem* Also, if there is so much flour that you have to hand-knead the dough to incorporate it, YOU MAY HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG FYI.

Mix in the eggs, one at a time, or all at once mixing on low just enough to incorporate. Do not over mix! It's a bomb. If you overmix we are all DOOMED. Also, realize that your filling is extremely lumpy and gross. And then The Mother takes a fingerful and goes "ew," and The Mother LOVES this shit. So re-look at the recipe and go OH FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU okay don't panic... add 6 tbsp & 1/2 cup of sugar. Blend.

Blend in milk, sour cream, and vanilla extract. Again, do not over mix. Just mix until you get a smooth consistency. Yep yep yep.

Pour filling into prepared crusts and bake.

Baking:
Stick your cupcake tins pan into the preheated oven, turn down the temperature to 250F, and bake for an hour and a half 45 min. The center should still wobble a little. It shouldn’t be pure liquid or completely set. It will be almost completely set. Once it’s done baking, turn the oven off and let it sit on top of the oven for about 30 min for at least an hour (more if you have the time). After about an hour or so, I open the oven door and let it sit for a few more hours. Then stick em in the fridge until you have to run out the door. Share! They are quite good and very rich.

(Recipe found at Tasty Kitchen.)


<3,
TWC

07 August, 2010

Chocolate Chip Blondies (aka why my thighs are now the size of heifers)

OMG.

OH. EM. GEE.

These are SO. GOOD.

:D

You will need:
1/2 cup butter (1 stick) (use 1/4 cup if you like a brownie-texture instead of a fudge-texture)
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
Lots of chocolate chips.

STEPPAH HWUN
Butter. Saucepan. Cook on low. Stir stir stir.

STEPPAH TUHWOO
Brown sugar. Stir stir stir.

STEPPAH THUHREE
Remove from heat. Stir stir stir. Cool cool cool. (Mebbe 1 minute of cool time.)

STEPPAH FUHWOR
Add egg, add vanilla, beat it like the Jets in Shark territory.

STEPPAH FUHIVE
Add flour, baking powder & salt. Joy of Cooking wants me to sift but I didn't because THAT'S JUST HOW I ROLL.

STEPPAH SUHIX
Pour in as many chocolate chips as you want. Mix, fold, mix. Dump into well-greased baking pan, bake at 350 for 20 - 25 min (50 min if you used a whole stick of butter).

STEPPAH SEHEVEN
EAT EAT EAT NOM NOM NOM.

Pictures will be up as soon as my computer stops being an asshole.

<3,
TWC

05 August, 2010

I am a bad blogger.

Hello intar-webs.

Here is what I've made (and totally failed to share with you) recently:

1. Cake Pops. (For Maddie's birthday - YUM.) Recipe here. Obvs, I didn't make Halloween ones... I made octopus cake pops! ^_^


2. Chocolate Failure Pie. I made it and immediately contracted (contacted? shit, I always forget which word fits here) deathvirus o' DOOOOOM, thereby making it totally impossible to eat any sugar for like a week. Then I accidentally froze it solid and had to thaw it out. Also I ruined my mom's best saucepan. Oh, and by the time The Brother ate it, it had fermented. No, I'm not going to give you the recipe because trust me you do not want it.

I made the Brother pix message me when he ate the pie.


"It looka likea da poop."


"Ole poop."

This kid is crazy funny. Also, I am apparently 6 years old because I cannot stop laughing.

3. Cake pops again, for Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve's engagement. :D
(They look like the cake pops above except in purple & white. Also, no octopi.)

4. Chocolate-chip Blondies. SUPER GOOD OMG. I forgot to take pictures :( But I'll post the recipe tomorrow. Or maybe Saturday. I promise.

5. Possibly something else? I forget. All the sugar is affecting my memory. ;)

<3,
TWC